Thou Shalt Give Thanks (The Season Finale)

Kevin?

I looked down the table at my family. They were all waiting for my words of thanks.

AUNTIE DEB: Hon, it's your turn.
GRANDMA: What are you grateful for?

I try to come up with something, but my mind keeps flashing to other things...

UNCLE WILL: Come stay with us.
ME: Why would I do that?
JEFF: For the experience!
UNCLE WILL: And to be our live-in babysitter.
ME: Yeah, I don't think so.

The day before, Uncle Will and Jeff had called up to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. It was then that they proposed an idea to me that they clearly had been pondering for sometime.

UNCLE WILL: You need to get out of Rhode Island.
ME: Uncle Will--
JEFF: I agree with him, Kevin. You need some life experience that you're not going to get by staying where you are.
UNCLE WILL: Josh--

(Their roommate)

UNCLE WILL: --is moving out in two weeks, and we thought--
JEFF: --Instead of finding someone else, why not just have you move down here?
ME: What about my job?
UNCLE WILL: You'll get a new job.
JEFF: We'll get you all set up.
UNCLE WILL: Kev, you need to do this, and if you don't do it now...

What he didn't say, but what hung in the air was--"You may never do it."

JEFF: What do you say?
ME: I say--

But nothing was coming out. Auntie Deb was looking over her shoulder at the mashed potatoes still sitting on the counter that were going cold. Rory was texting someone. Danny had his head bowed but I swore I could see his left eye open slightly waiting for my voice to utter a prayer of thanks.

I looked down at my food.

ADAM: How's your chicken?
ME: It's good, but I don't have much of an appetite right now.

Adam and I were dining at the Nordstrom's Cafe.

ADAM: Do you come here a lot?
ME: Yeah...Well, I used to.
ADAM: So are you going to do it?
ME: Finish my chicken. No, go ahead.
ADAM: I wasn't--okay.

I pushed my plate in front of him.

ME: As for the move, I don't know.
ADAM: I think you should.
ME: Just because?
ADAM: Just because there's no reason for you not to. You don't have anything keeping you here. You're not with...um, you know...anymore.
ME: But friends--
ADAM: E-mail, text messaging, carrier pigeons--
ME: Family?
ADAM: It's not like you can get rid of them.
ME: Good point.
ADAM: Kevin, you need to do this. Most people would kill for the chance to leave everything behind and start fresh.
ME: I've already started fresh once this year.
ADAM: Uh huh, and look at your nails.

I looked down and saw that I had started gnawing on them again. Damaged cuticles don't necessarily qualify as an omen, but in this case...

COUSIN ANTHONY: Can we eat already?
GRANDMA: Nobody eats until we've all said thanks.
AUNTIE DEB: Maybe Kevin needs more time to think. What else is everyone thankful for?
RORY: The advances in technology that have led to text messaging.
COUSIN VICKY: Lipo.
UNCLE CHRIS: Forget it.
COUSIN VICKY: I hate you!

All I had to do was think of one thing. One lousy thing! And there were plenty. I just had a lot on my mind.

BETH: He's leaving.
ME: Carlos?
BETH: He's moving to New York.
ME: Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
BETH: I think I'm going with him.
ME: What?

Beth and I were having a trailer trash food night. She had made about two pounds of Mac and Cheese, while I ate pickles, Doritos, and of course, a block of cheese.

BETH: I can't let him go. He's my soulmate.
ME: I thought you didn't even like him that much?
BETH: I hide my true feelings. It's a defense mechanism!
ME: Have you been reading The Four Agreements again?
BETH: What's the worst that could happen?
ME: He could embrace his homosexuality leaving you in New York starving with nowhere to live while he sleeps with chorus boys in his midtown apartment?
BETH: You really think he can get a place in midtown?

I brandished her with a pickle.

ME: You need to think about this, Beth. This is serious.
BETH: I know it is! Don't wave your pickle at me! Wow, I never thought I'd say that to you.
ME: Is he really worth it?
BETH: Is anyone?
ME: Of course!
BETH: So if he doesn't work out maybe I'll find someone there who will.
ME: I wish I could think of things like that.
BETH: Hey, everything's an opportunity, right?
ME: Right.

After a bite out of my pickle, I texted Uncle Will and Jeff.

TEXT: I'll let you know by tomorrow.

First I was going to have to run things by the family.

ME: Okay, so first I do dinner at Auntie's with Mom, then I come over here and we go to Grandma Number One's then Grandma Number Two's, then I take an overdose of Quaaludes and pray for the light to come and get me.

I was at Dad's house reviewing Thanksgiving plans.

DAD: I don't understand why you don't come to my house first.
ME: Because you don't start dinner until six o'clock.
DAD: We'll eat earlier.
STACEY: Kev, let him go over his Aunt's first. Not everything has to be an argument.

Stacey had just come back from shopping.

ME: Isn't the idea to shop tomorrow on Black Friday?
STACEY: I celebrate both Black Friday and Blue Wednesday.
DAD: Fine, but next year--
ME: Actually, I might...Well, I'll be here for next year, obviously, but--
DAD: But what?

I heard the front door open.

HARRY: Dad, where do you want these folding chairs?
DEANA: I have pot pie!
STACEY: Deana, honey, it's not Thanksgiving yet.
DEANA: Stacey, when you feel the urge to make pot pie, you just have to make it.
ANNIE: I like pot pie!

My little sister grabbed the pie from Deana as I went to help Harry with the folding chairs.

DAD: We were talking.
ME: I'm thinking of moving in with Uncle Will and Jeff for a little while.
DAD: The fruits?
STACEY: Kev!
DAD: I mean, the fairies?
ME: Yes, Dad. Although I think the acceptable derogatory term is now 'pansy.'
DAD: Why are you going to move in with them?
DEANA: That sounds exciting.
DAD: Nobody asked you.
HARRY: Dad!

I looked at Annie, whose eyes had suddenly gotten wide.

ANNIE: Butter going to move?

When she was little she couldn't say "brother," it always came out "butter," and for some reason it's always just been that. I knelt down next to her.

ME: Butter might, but he's not sure yet.
ANNIE: And I won't see you anymore?
ME: You will always see me no matter what. I will cling to you--

And I grabbed her and swung her around the room while she laughed. I could see that my Dad was not amused, but he wasn't my first concern.

ME: --until you're yelling, Butter stop!
ANNIE: Butter stop!

I put her down and gave Stacey a look.

STACEY: Annie, why don't we let brother talk to Daddy for a second, okay?
ANNIE: Okay.

Everyone but Dad left the room.

DAD: So you're going?
ME: It's not definite.
DAD: You won't go.
ME: How do you know that?
DAD: You were going to move before, and you didn't. For college.
ME: Because you--

I stopped myself.

DAD: Because I got sick.

All I could do was nod. I remember finding out I got into Emerson, and realizing that if I went and anything happened... Boston is just a stone's throw away from Providence, but when you're getting phone calls saying your father's been rushed to the hospital and he's unconscious--a stone's throw still seems to far.

DAD: You could have gone after college.
ME: That would be now.
DAD: Are you sure you could do it? You've never been on your own like that. No family nearby.
ME: I'll have Uncle Will.
DAD: Your uncle needs his own babysitter.
ME: I have to try, Dad.

My Dad seemed to take a moment, and then said.

DAD: If you go, don't come back.

I was stung. I couldn't believe what I just heard.

DAD: I don't mean you can't come back. What I mean is that no matter what happens, you have to stick with it. You can't keep looking behind you making sure everything stays where you left it. We'll all be okay here. You need to do what you need to do.

Every once in awhile, my Dad has one of these moments where I realize that he's not a bad guy. Don't get me wrong. He can be a downright terrible father, but overall he's not a bad guy. And it occurs to me that maybe he is trying his best, and that something like this is the best he can do with me.

JOEY: Should I pack this or give it away?
ME: What is it? Actually, if I have to ask 'what is it' you should probably just give it away.

Joey and I were at his place packing up all his things. He was moving in with his boyfriend, Bart, and I had agreed to help, even though I had some doubts on whether or not it was a good idea.

ME: Joey, do you ever worry that you might be moving a little too fast?
JOEY: With Bart? No.
ME: Um...it's just that, moving in is a big deal.
JOEY: I know.
ME: It's sort of--as far as you can go before...I don't know...marriage.
JOEY: But I love Bart.

Maybe my own insecurities about taking a step in a bold direction were the cause for doubting Joey's big step, but another part of me couldn't let the issue drop.

I had met Bart a few times, and even though he seemed like a great guy, he and Joey seemed far from a perfect match.

ME: How do you know it isn't just the convenience that you like--or the comfort?
JOEY: What else is there?
ME: Actual emotion.
JOEY: We have that, but even when we don't, we like being with each other. What more do you need than that?
ME: I don't know. I mean, I feel like with me... Well, with this place--I'm comfortable here. I like being here, but... I just feel like I can do better.
JOEY: A place is not a person, Kevin.
ME: Then why does it feel like I'm about to go through a break-up?

That day at the library, I had been thrown for a loop. I discussed the option of moving with the Golden Girls. They were hesitant to see me go.

MARTHA: Get the hell out of here as fast as you can.
ME: Does anyone have a 'That was easy' button?
DAISY: Everyone needs to spread their wings at some point in their life, Kevin.
MILLIE: And you should be spreading yours far away from here.

I was going to go into it further when I saw Library Boy in the fiction room.

ME: I'll be right back.

Okay, this was it. I was going to take that big step. If moving was in my future, I couldn't leave wondering what might have been with--

LIBRARY BOY: Hey Kev.
ME: Hey. Listen, I was wondering--
LIBRARY BOY: Kev, do girls usually like Nora Roberts?
ME: Um, yeah. Most of them. Getting something for your Mom?
LIBRARY BOY: No, my girlfriend.

Na-who-what-what? WHAT? WHAT?!?!

ME: Yeah...uh...most of them like Nora Roberts.
LIBRARY BOY: She's really particular though.
ME: I didn't know you--
LIBRARY BOY: She strikes me as an Anne Tyler type of person. She doesn't read much, but I'm trying to change that.
ME: How long have you been going out?
LIBRARY BOY: A couple of months.
ME: Oh.

That's all I could say--Oh. I mean, what else could you say?

CARLY: You say, Way to lead me on, asshole.

Carly and I were powerwalking in the park after I got out of work where I was recounting my Library Boy experience.

ME: You know, usually I have pretty decent gaydar. Enough to know when someone I've been madly in love with has a girlfriend.
CARLY: Forget about him. Think of all the boys you're going to meet when you move.
ME: If I move.
CARLY: Is this not an omen that you need to get out of here?
ME: I don't necessarily believe in omens.

Just then a magazine flew down the path we were walking and smack dab into my leg. I grabbed it and went to throw it in the nearest trash barrel when I noticed it was a Travel magazine.

ME: Okay, so maybe this does mean something.

Ring...Ring...Ring...

ME: Hello?
VOICE: Kevin?
ME: Yeah.
VOICE: It's Nick.
ME: Nick? NICK?
VOICE: Sorry to wake you up.
ME: Nick, where the hell have you been?
NICK: I can't really talk for very long. I just didn't want you to worry.
ME: Worry? I've been going crazy.
NICK: I have a lot to tell you.
ME: So tell--
NICK: I can't right now. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing really well. A lot of good things are happening for me.
ME: Nick, where are you?
NICK: I'm in a better place, Kev. A much better place.
ME: But--
NICK: I'll talk to you again soon.

Click.

Silence.

Kevin?

ME: The...um...food. I'm thankful for the food.
AUNTIE DEB: Good start.
RORY: We're going to be here all day.
ROGER: Rory!
ME: I mean, it's...um...really good food.
GRANDMA: I made the stuffing.
ANTHONY: Can we eat the food now?

What else? What else do I have beside the food?

DEREK: Do you not like your linguine?
ME: No, it's fine.

Derek had invited me out to dinner and I said 'Yes.' Why not? Contemplating major life changes give you a sort of 'What the heck' attitude towards just about everything.

DEREK: If you move, there's no point starting a commitment with anyone here.
ME: You're absolutely right.
DEREK: So would you just want to have a fling while you're around?
ME: Absolutely not.
DEREK: You're a hard nut to crack, Kevin Broccoli.
ME: Eh, you're not much of a squirrel, Derek.

It was then that I remembered the night I finally won over Mr. Right. It was very much like Say Anything. I was standing underneath his window with a guitar, which is funny, because I don't actually play guitar. He opened the window and I launched into good old Sweeney.

ME:

No one's going to hurt you
Not while I'm around

MR. RIGHT: What are you doing? It's 1am.
ME:

No one's going to harm you, no sir
Not while I'm around

MR. RIGHT: Kevin, I am not Roxanne. This is insane.

ME:

Demons will charm you with a smile
For awhile...
I...I can't hit that note!!!

MR. RIGHT: Haha--

ME:

Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around

MR. RIGHT: Get up here, you crazy bastard.

I guess that means I need to learn to play guitar. (Hey, as cheesy as that was, it could have been worse. I could have played "Fire and Rain.")

Kevin?

Aside from food, all I could think of were the typical things you should be grateful for--family, friends, good health--

ME: I'm grateful for family, friends, good health--

Something distinct.

ME: Um...I'm grateful for new opportunities.

You need some life experience that you're not going to get by staying where you are.

ME: Best friends.

Most people would kill for the chance to leave everything behind and start fresh.

ME: Good times.

Everything's an opportunity, right?

ME: Being given a blessing.

You need to do what you need to do.

ME: The chance to go in a new direction.

A place is not a person, Kevin.

ME: Much needed support.

Get the hell out of here as fast as you can.

ME: Hearing from people you haven't heard from in awhile.

I'm in a better place, Kev.

ME: Faith in good things to come.

Get up here.

ME: And...
DANNY: Amen.
ME: Yeah, Amen.
ALL: Amen.

It's funny how we set aside one day a year to really give thanks for all we've been given. Really, we should do it all the time. As things happen we should stop and say "This is a good thing. I should appreciate this."

Imagine how different life would seem if you really recognized all the reasons you're lucky...

UNCLE WILL: So, are you coming?

That would be a good rule to follow.

To Be Continued...